How to Make Important Decisions For Your Kids in the Face of Parental Conflict in Your Separation or Divorce!

How to Make Important Decisions For Your Kids in the Face of Parental Conflict in Your Separation or Divorce!

Believe it or not, a parent can still have a lot of “say” in their children’s lives even when the parents cannot agree on most things when it comes to their kids.

In some situations, Ontario family court will establish a parallel parenting regime so that both parents can have significant involvement in the decision-making for their children.

This is called parallel parenting.

Hi, my name is Thomas O’Malley.  I’m an experienced family lawyer in Durham Region and the GTA.

What exactly is parallel parenting?  Parallel parenting describes a parenting situation in which each parent has responsibility for one or more major areas of decision-making for their children so that each parent has sole, final decision-making authority in specified areas, such as education and health-care for their children.

Let’s see what happened to Rick and Karen.   They had a 7-year old son, Daniel.  However, Rick and Karen were constantly fighting about Daniel’s progress in school and counselling that Daniel needed since his parents separated.

One thing you can learn from Rick and Karen is…

But, before I explain what you can learn, it’s important to understand that the Ontario family court reviews these factors carefully to see if parallel parenting will work successfully and is in the best interests of a child :

1. Both parents must have consistently played a significant role in the child’s life on all levels.

2. The relative abilities of each parent and the quality of their decision-making respecting the child.  Where one parent is clearly more competent, responsible and attentive than the other, this may support a sole custody order rather than a parallel parenting arrangement.

3. The extent to which each parent is able to place the needs of their child above their own needs and interests is often a compelling consideration.

4. Another excellent factor in favour of parallel parenting is whether parallel parenting is more likely to reduce the conflict between the parents or make it worse.

5. A history of domestic violence or any evidence suggesting that there is a significant power imbalance between the parents will work strongly against a parallel parenting order.

6. Parallel parenting will not be considered appropriate where the evidence indicates that one parent is seeking this arrangement solely as a means of controlling the other parent, rather than as a way of fostering the child’s best interests.

7. Ultimately, parallel parenting will generally not be considered appropriate where it is clear that one or both of the parents will never stop fighting over every issue respecting their children.  In these circumstances, parallel parenting will simply provide a further basis for serious parental fighting and ongoing disputes that interfere with the well-being of the children.

The court concluded in the case of Rick and Karen that Daniel’s best interests required the continued involvement of both parents in decision-making about the important aspects of this life.

However, the court found that the mother, Karen, shall have sole decision-making rights and responsibilities in all matters relating to Daniel’s academic education over which the parents are unable to agree after a consultation period of 14 days.

The father, Rick, had sole decision-making respecting Daniel’s extracurricular activities since he had always taken a more active role in that part of Daniel’s life.

Here’s the bottom line you should know from Rick and Karen’s parenting situation:  parents who do disagree, even disagree strongly, over most areas of their children’s lives can continue to be involved in decision-making for their children when they use a parallel parenting approach as long as this approach reduces the conflict between the parents as opposed to increasing the disputes.

Make sure you spend some time with your family lawyer discussing this important issue in your separation or divorce.

If you have any questions about your separation, divorce or family law case and you would like our help, there’s a few ways to contact our office.  You can leave a message on my Facebook law office page, visit my website at www.canadiandivorcelegaladvice.com, or call me directly at 905-434-8837.  We would be happy to speak to you.

Oh, by the way, did you know you can protect your family law rights and get essential information on settling your family law issues with your former spouse with the daily indispensable family law advice and tips at my FREE Facebook group?

Click here for more details:  Durham Region Separation and Divorce Legal Support Group .